I am exhausted

These days

I throw on a sweater and fall asleep on my living room floor
I wake up with mascara smudged under my eyes, too tired to remove it before bed
I average 150 new emails on a good day
I eat Honey Nut Cheerios and poptarts or filet mignon and lobster but not much in between
I envy people who wake up past 6am of their own accord on weekends but love my ambition
I eagerly plan my next domestic and international adventures
I go rock climbing, dancing, rollerblading, camping, & roaming
I know I'm good at what I do
I mentor an average of three people per day
I sit in the company of many good friends - and I miss the company of other good friends

Had a presentation in front of hundreds of cutting edge healthcare professionals in the Emergency Medicine industry yesterday. It went very well. I am exhausted.

I have three wedding gifts and a baby gift to buy, a two-hour drive and a plane to catch, 64 unread emails and the day hasn't started yet- I woke up at 5:30 on my own, calls to be returned, I must shower and eat (those are the hardest things - it's sick, I know), and don't forget to check the mail before you leave

It's sick, but I like it.

What is REAL?

EXCERPT FROM THE VELVETEEN RABBIT
~ By Margery Williams ~

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but Really loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit. "Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?" "It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get all loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"Sender Requests No Signature"

Breakaway

Reasons for lack of blog maintenance (this trend has been following me the last 6 months!):

8/30-9/1: Los Angeles, CA - work
9/1-9/2: Eau Claire, WI - moving the kid into college
9/2-9/4: Twin Cities, MN - visiting family
9/5-9/7: San Francisco, CA - work
9/11-9/20: Huge presentations in front of hundreds at work
9/21-9/24: Buffalo, NY and Toronto, ON - friend's wedding
10/1-10/8: Honolulu, HI - work
10/12-10/15: Minneapolis, MN - work, family
10/18-10/22: NYC, NY - @ 50th Gala
10/29-11/2: San Francisco, CA - work
11/1: My 24th Birthday!!!
...
I'll leave November for November, to take care of itself... Whew!

"Wherever You Go There I'll Be"

I need a crystal ball and a wise old woman, good old friends and my mum, a hot chai tea latte and dirt under my feet...

... a potion mixture that can solve any problem.

Exhausted

10 wonderful days in sun-soaked and rainforest-covered Dominica with my best girl friend
14 long hours of international travel
2 grueling work weeks ahead of me with two huge new projects
1 ghetto Days Inn hotel room to rest until my last two legs home tomorrow to see my muse

and a very grateful, spoiled, smiling yet exhausted girl who will shortly be sleeping very soundly. 5am will come too soon.

Stories to come...

14 hours and then some

Sitting in sunny Sacramento California waiting for the evening to arrive... working 14 hour night shifts and trying unsuccessfully to sleep during the day gives me time to think: and I haven't decided yet if that's scary, overdue, or both.

I've been in the Burn Intensive Care Unit this week, and as cliche as it sounds, I'm reminded how fragile life is, and how important it is to keep life clean, to keep it as simple as possible, and to let the people around me know how much they mean to me. It's been a rough year: taking on a career that I could never have dreamed of before the age of 50, taking on personal responsibilities that were unanticipated, and trying to make everything everywhere all fit together. Feeling so young but with such an old soul, and wanting to understand it all yet taking in only as much as I can.

I couldn't do it without the people in my life. And I think they have absolutely no idea. The ones that mean the most. I need to do something about it: make more effort, be everyday conscious, be transparent.

I think I'm going to take a long hot shower, and then I will begin.

NYC bound...

Last minute trip to NYC next week to see my homies for less than 48 hours.

Impulsiveness is sweet. The money is worth it.

See you soon!